6 Ways You’re Making Your Dog Feel Ignored Without Realizing It

We all know how it feels to spend time with someone who seems more interested in their phone than in sharing the moment with you. Usually at some point you just feel like giving up — never mind! There’s no use in trying to pull them out of TikTok, or a group chat, or their news app. When our dogs are trying (and failing) to get our attention, they can feel the same sense of resignation.

Of course, we don’t want our pups to feel like they’re at a party trapped in non-conversation with a rude acquaintance. We want them to feel joy and love! But because we’re only humans who can sometimes miss the things other species are experiencing, I spoke with Renee Rhoades, an applied animal behaviorist and founder of R+Dogs, to give us a sense of ways we might be unintentionally causing our dogs to feel ignored. Here are a few: 

Missing their pleas for connection

Dogs can ask for a moment of connection in lots of different ways — nudging their head under your hand, staring at you from across the room, lying at your feet, touching you with their paw, following you around, bringing you something. They can also ask by grabbing something they’re not supposed to have, or destroying something you’d rather have kept un-destroyed. That last behavior, Rhoades says, “is often the one we mislabel as ‘naughty’ or ‘bad.’” For her, though, it’s essential information.

“I prompt my clients to reflect on that moment,” she says. “What happened earlier in the day, what happened right before. Were you able to offer enough fulfillment and connection today, was your dog telling you they needed something?” Dogs are smart, social animals — they need mental stimulation and to engage actively in a relationship with their human. We should stay curious about our their behavior, Rhoades says. “No behavior is bad; it’s all information we can use.”

Excessive screen time

When my dog is tired of watching me look at my phone, most of the time he has an easy solution: pawing at it until it falls onto the floor. It makes me laugh every time and is an excellent use of interspecies communication. Other times, though — when I’m particularly absorbed in work on my laptop, or in a TV show — he gets tired of trying to get my attention and gives up. Those little moments break my heart. 

“Dogs, like humans, look for patterns of behavior,” Rhoades says, “so, if you’re on your phone quite frequently, your dog is likely to come to an understanding that that is a time when you are occupied.” Too much of this can weaken our bond, and leave them feeling unfulfilled.

But the good news is that there is basically nothing on those mesmerizing screens that is better than spending a little time with our dog. “When it comes to ‘doom’ scrolling on our phones,” Rhoades says, “our dogs can provide a much needed interruption, if we take the nudge!”

Rushing them along on walks 

We busy humans often approach walks as a task to complete, or something to hurry through for the sake of exercise, but dogs experience them as one of the most information-rich parts of their day. Rhoades compares a quick walk around the block to a slower walk where the dog decides where they want to go and how long they want to sniff: “The first walk is movement-based, but the second walk is going to be more biologically fulfilling overall,” she says. 

Dogs’ brains are heavily dedicated to processing smell, which means sniffing isn’t a distraction from the walk; it is one of its most necessary parts. Because we control nearly every aspect of our dogs’ lives, including when and how they access the outdoors, rushing them through this limited window of sensory-based activity can leave them mentally understimulated.

“Dogs can get physical exercise in a variety of ways,” Rhoades says, “but they only have so many resources for interesting smells.”

Missing their stress signals (and making them participate in things that stress them out)

Of course we want to bring our dogs everywhere: to our favorite bar’s patio, into stores, to the farmers’ market. But many so-called dog-friendly spaces are loud, crowded, unpredictable, and far more stressful for dogs than we realize. Plenty of everyday moments at home can be overwhelming, too, from forced interactions to handling, grooming, or prolonged attention they didn’t ask for. That’s why being able to recognize your dogs’ stress signals is so important.

According to Rhoades, many of the signals humans overlook live at “the lower end of canine communication,” including whale eye (when you can see the white of the eye), yawning when not tired, panting out of context, lip licking, a suddenly closed mouth, or eyes that narrow or avert away. Dogs may also try to make themselves look smaller, slowly turn their head, lift a paw, roll onto their back, or offer what looks like exaggerated affection — behaviors that are often bids for appeasement, not enjoyment. One particularly misunderstood signal is what Rhoades calls “grinning,” also known as a submissive grin, which can look like a smile but is actually a sign of discomfort. 

Unfortunately, many viral “guilty dog” or grooming videos showcase these exact behaviors. While these videos are often labeled as cute or funny, that’s not always what’s going on. If you understand canine body language, you may be deeply uncomfortable when you see these clips; what you’re seeing isn’t mischief or affection but a dog asking — quietly and desperately —  for the situation to stop.

Missing their play cues

Regardless of how great of a pet parent you are, sometimes your schedules won’t line up with your dogs’ schedules, and we miss the signs that they want to play. Most dogs can redirect themselves in these moments and entertain themselves. “However, if most of the bids are missed or ignored, it’s likely the dog will engage in this cooperative behavior less,” she says. This can impact your bond, especially if play was their way of seeking connection. 

But there is a fix! “An easy way to remedy this is to incorporate dedicated one-on-one time with your dog in your day,” Rhoades says. This could be play, cuddling on the couch, massage. “There are so many ways to connect with our dogs,” she says. “It's important to make the time to understand what your dog needs from you.”

Leaving them alone for long periods of time

While there isn’t a strict rule for how long a dog can be left alone, Rhoades generally suggests around four hours. Dogs are polyphasic, meaning they sleep in short pockets throughout the day, so if their other needs have been met beforehand, they may spend much of that time resting. Of course, this varies. Dogs with separation anxiety, for example, may not get the rest they need, no matter the length of time. 

“Getting a camera can be a beneficial step to understanding what your dog is doing and how they cope,” if you’re unsure how your dog handles being alone, Rhoades says. For dogs who struggle, distress upon separation “is not a problem that can be resolved by a crate or any other promoted ‘quick fix,’” she says, and working with a qualified behaviorist may be necessary.

Leaving a dog alone for long stretches isn’t just a practical issue; it can be extremely stressful for your dog, and noticing how they respond can help make sure their solo hours are safe and comfortable.