You Can Purchase “After the Rapture Pet Care” for Today’s Earth-Shattering Event

The Rapture is coming! The Rapture is coming! Today! Or possibly tomorrow. At least according to TikTok, where talk of the end of the world and the coming of the Great Tribulation has exploded following a prediction by South African pastor Joshua Mhlakela. And for those who believe, it has been causing some worry about what to do with their beloved pets who will be left behind.

Mhlakela announced his divine vision for the end of all things during an appearance on the I’ve Been Through The Most podcast back in June. “The Rapture is upon us, whether you are ready or not,” he said. “God took me to see the future and then he brought me back. And there in Heaven, in a throne room, I see Jesus, sitting on his throne and I would hear him very loud and clear: ‘I am coming soon’. And to the people who are listening, please pay attention to what I am going to say: he says to me, on the 23rd and 24th [of September] 2025, I will come to take my church.’ There is a date!” 

In the aftermath of this… revelation, Evangelicals the world over are piously and joyfully preparing for their imminent ascent into heaven. Once they are at Jesus’s side in the sky, the Great Tribulation will begin — a seven-year period of war, famine, and intense suffering (as opposed to the period we live in now where those things are, like, totally not a problem at all), where the antichrist will rise and do battle with the second coming of Jesus here on earth. Or something like that.

I’m not a biblical scholar, but I have seen the “Rapture’s Delight” episode of American Dad like three times, so I’m pretty sure I’ve got the broad strokes more or less down. I mean, if anyone has proven their commitment to dogmatic accuracy and biblical revelation over the years, it is definitely American Dad creator Seth MacFarlane. Like… Jesus is on his shows all the time. And he wouldn’t agree to do that if Seth wasn’t a pious and holy man. Absolutely not!

Of course, in order to ascend into heaven on this great day of reckoning, which, again, is either today or tomorrow, you must first accept Jesus Christ into your heart, which, it turns out, is causing some Evangelicals quite a bit of distress. Because while staunch believers are certain that they will rise to meet their lord today (or tomorrow), they are equally certain that their beloved pets will not be so fortunate.

After all, it has long been a tenet of right-wing Christian dogma that pets do not go to heaven. Whether because they do not have souls or because they are incapable of accepting Christ as their personal lord and savior. In either case, they are thus ineligible for salvation. So once these people ascend into heaven, their pets will, sadly, be left behind to fend for themselves.

This doesn’t sit right with many of the devout, though, and in recent weeks they have taken to social media to share their plans to save their beloved pets. Some intend to leave extra food and water out to help them survive until a good samaritan comes by and takes over their care. Not good enough to avoid the Great Tribulation or the eternity in Hell that is sure to follow, but good enough to take in a lonely labradoodle during Armageddon. While others plan to slip their pets into Heaven by simply grabbing them as they start their own ascent. (Smart! God will never see that one coming and will be super chill about you trying to defy his no-pets policy.)

And for those not willing to trust their pets’ survival to wandering strangers or their ability to trick God, there are plenty of people online offering to care for post-Rapture pets for a small monthly stipend. Or, for a one-time fee of just $10, you can go to After the Rapture Pet Care and register to have a non-Christian atheist come to your home and collect your pet after you ascend. And don’t worry. This service is totally legit. They say so on their FAQ page: “There are sarcastic joke sites on the Internet about many ‘after the Rapture’ functions, as well as services run by atheists for a profit, but we are a real service.” 

Apparently, the idea for After the Rapture Pet Care came to the organization's founder, Sharon Moss, after her husband showed her a website created by a woman in the UK as a joke. The creator of that unnamed website reportedly charged 70 pounds per pet to people looking to rehome their animals post-Rapture. Moss told her friend “Karen” about the joke website and it was Karen who then suggested they launch their own venture. But unlike the unnamed website that inspired it, After the Rapture Pet Care would be *legit* and cost about a tenth of the price. They would have made it free, but they wanted to “discourage fake sign-ups.” So, you see, it really wasn’t about the money. They promise. If it was, they would have charged a lot more!

Well, I’m convinced!

And if all of this seems *crazy* to you, well, there is a long tradition in this country of people doing *crazy* things when they think the end of the world is near. Remember Y2K, anyone? And after every supposed Rapture date comes and goes there are always people on TV talking about how they sold their homes in anticipation of their ascendency and now have nowhere to live. But that won’t happen this time. Because the Rapture is definitely happening today! Or tomorrow. 

So hurry! The end is nigh! If you want to provide for your pets, time is running out. And if you do decide to spend your hard-earned money on some form of post-Rapture pet insurance and the great ascendence doesn’t occur (although it totally will), don’t fret! Just because the world doesn’t end today (or tomorrow) doesn’t mean the end isn’t nigh.

At least now you’ll have time to take more concrete steps toward rehoming your pets. (Jokes aside, if you must find a new home for your pets for any reasons other than the rapture, there is a gentle way to do it with as minimal tears as possible.) True, most of the shelters in this country are overcrowded and understaffed, but that’s still a better option than an overflowing bowl of kibble and leaving the toilet seat up. And while you wait for the next Rapture to come, might I interest you in some pristine Florida swampland? I promise it’s a really great investment and totally *not* a scam at all.