The One Thing You Should Never Do When Leaving Your Dog Home Alone

You adore your dog, so it makes sense that you give them a bunch of hugs and kisses (OK, more like 100) before leaving the house. You’re not some kind of monster, after all.

And we all have different ways of saying “ciao” before we head out: This lucky dog gets smothered with smooches, this sweet Golden Retriever gets a detailed rundown of her mom’s schedule, and these adorable Pitties are arguably taking things much better than their very apologetic dad.    

There’s lots of advice out there for exactly how you should bid your dog adieu. Take this trainer who advises pet parents to “just walk out of your house!” But like, has he ever even loved a dog before? As it turns out (big sigh), he may be onto something: While it’s definitely OK to acknowledge your dog, you should never, ever give them a big, emotional farewell when leaving the house — in fact, it can make things worse.  

“I recognize that in our human minds, we don’t want our dogs to think that their humans leaving is a good thing,” says Tatiana Yastremski, a certified dog trainer and canine behavior consultant at St. Hubert’s Animal Welfare Center in Madison, New Jersey. “Trust me, though. It’s better for them in the long run.” 

Here’s why it’s best to be chill when making an exit, even if you really, really, really love your dog. 

You shouldn’t be super emo on your way out the door.

Many humans find comfort in constant reassurance, but it’s not always a healthy way to cope, and it’s not good for our dogs, either. Reassuring them repeatedly — and with lots of emotion — that you’re “just leaving for a few hours (promise!)” isn’t actually offering them any peace. 

“I know people don’t like leaving their dogs behind, and neither do I. [But] it’s important not to make a big deal about it,” Yastremski says. 

While it might seem counterintuitive, experts say that piling all that extra attention on your dog can make them even more anxious. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t acknowledge that you’re leaving at all, but “the way you do it is very important,” Yastremski adds. “A calm and collected goodbye on our end communicates that we’ve got our dog’s back and we have everything under control. Calm begets calm. Frantic and overly emotional begets frantic and overly emotional.”  

When you leave, you should avoid: 

• Making leaving a big event 

• Speaking in a baby voice or exaggerated tone 

• Drawing out your exit 

• Getting your dog excited or riled up about your departure  

“Big goodbyes can trigger emotional stress and issues and signal that safety isn’t present, and it’s time to panic,” says Kasey Dugan, a certified dog trainer at Get Sit Done Dogs in Denver. “This can become a contributing factor to separation anxiety.” 

Does this mean you can’t say goodbye at all? 

So, what are you supposed to do — ignore your dog? Of course not! It’s important to be able to show your dog how much you adore them before you take off.

“You absolutely can and should say goodbye to your dog when you leave; I always do,” Dugan says. “You can even give them a short explanation of where you are going, what you are doing, and when you will return. I always end this with ‘I love you and have a good day!’ But how you do it really does matter. We don’t want to cause panic or potentially add to any anxiety that may be starting before your departure.” 

So, while you don’t need to slip out of the house like a covert spy, you do need to keep things pretty even-keeled. 

When you leave the house, try to: 

• Head out calmly

• Speak in a neutral voice 

• Acknowledge your dog, but don’t make a big deal about it   

• Keep your goodbye short 

• Don’t go overboard with physical affection

It can even help to keep your dog busy when you’re getting ready to head out. That way, they won’t be so distracted by your exit — and it may encourage you to leave even more calmly. Puzzle toys, snuffle mats, or lick mats can offer distraction and engagement for your pup while you’re heading out the door. 

“We definitely do not need to walk on eggshells around our dogs or act weird — trust me, your dog will pick up on the weirdness and it could trigger alarm bells to go off,” Dugan says. “Just don’t make a huge production.”   

And while research has found that our dogs generally appreciate when we speak to them in a baby-ish sing-song voice, save that voice for daily activities, not high-stakes moments. The shrillness of it can send the wrong message, Dugan says, incorrectly signaling to your dog that something alarming is happening. 

How do you know if it’s too much for your pup when you go away?

Even if your dog doesn’t appear to be bothered by your emotional “so long,” it’s still best to keep things calm, experts say. 

“Overly emotional goodbyes can have an emotional impact on our dogs,” Yastremski says, and that can lead to stress, which can lead to destruction. You see where this is going: Basically, as with humans, stress can blossom into lots of things. 

Here are some signs you need to take it down a notch: 

• Your dog’s separation anxiety is worse.

• New anxiety has developed.

• Your dog is spending excessive time howling or whining after you leave. 

• They have developed destructive habits, like chewing or shredding.

• Other behavior changes are developing.

And if your dog is already a sensitive soul, an overly emotional parting could make things worse. 

“For more sensitive dogs with the propensity for isolation distress or showing behaviors consistent with separation anxiety, overly emotional goodbyes could further impair their condition,” Yastremski says. Of course, not all behavior changes are due to stress, so see a vet first to rule out medical conditions. But if your dog’s anxiety is due to stress, it’s worth revisiting the way you approach farewells (and greetings).

How can you make sure you keep things chill?

The best advice is to keep it simple and play it cool. 

“A quick pet and/or a brief statement — ‘I’m heading out’ — while staying calm and collected is a great way of telling your dog goodbye,” Yastremski says. “You can do one better and work on building a good association for your dog with you leaving the home, by pairing it with something delicious.” 

Yastremski suggests a special treat for your dog to enjoy, especially if you crate them, but a stuffed Kong can also do wonders to distract them (much like the puzzle toys or snuffle mats). 

“My dog learned that when her humans leave the house, something good happens,” she says. 

And if you’re worried that your dog will think you don’t care, get that thought out of your head. “I’d like to think that a calm and collected goodbye on our end communicates that we’ve got our dog’s back and we have everything under control,” Yastremski says.

So, if you leave quietly, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your dog; on the contrary, it’ll help them learn to feel secure and confident. 

“Being a bit nonchalant about telling our dogs ‘goodbye’ and greeting them hello is more beneficial to their general mental state,” Yastremski adds. “And just because your dog is comfortable with you leaving the home, it doesn’t mean that they love you any less.”

In fact, it signals that they’re a happy, well-adjusted pup.  

Why big emotions can cause stress 

It may be helpful to put your dog’s experience in human terms. For example, if another human is acting weird or over the top, it’s unlikely to inspire confidence or security; you’ll probably think something’s up. 

“Humans don't always realize how big of a role we play in this,” Dugan says, noting that pups can take away a lot of meaning from our emotions. “Our dogs may say, ‘Oh wow, this is absolutely an event and something that I should pay attention to!’ Dogs can often mirror a human’s internal state.”  

So, if you’re excited, your dog’s going to get excited — and not know what to do with that energy once you head out the door. It’s also well-known that dogs can pick up on our stress. In one study, a dog’s heart rate increased when their pet parent’s heart rate did, and some experts suggest that “emotional contagion” — where dogs pick up on our anxiety — could come into play. And other studies have shown that dogs can smell when we’re stressed. 

“Your nervous system may be transmitting feelings of anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and fear,” Dugan says. “Dogs can soak that up and a human's internal state can easily become a dog’s internal state.” 

A big goodbye is signaling an event — and often a stressful one, she adds: “Dogs can pick up on stress and then reflect that back.” 

If you’re really struggling to rein in your love for your dog, try to put yourself in their shoes, Dugan says. “Think about it this way: How do you feel internally when you are in the presence of someone who is stressed, anxious, and frantic?” she asks. “How do you feel internally when you are in the presence of someone who is calm, centered, and grounded? Which do you prefer? I know what I prefer and want to be around.”  

Your pup probably does, too.