What Is the ‘Boy Dog Mom’ Phenomenon—and Is It Real?

Halloween may technically be over, but as far as I’m concerned, spooky season lasts until the final golden leaf is off the tree and Mariah Carey‘s whistle tones are ringing through every grocery store. So, I am still in full witchy mode, which means everyone in my household, including my pets, are as well. Plus, like any good witch, I have a familiar — an animal companion who is, essentially the witch’s right-hand pal. My familiar is my dog Charlie.

He’s a Boxer mix who was born deaf and has not left my side since the day I adopted him nearly three years ago. It’s not “I have to go to the bathroom,” it’s “We have to go to the bathroom,” because if I’m peeing, in the shower, doing my makeup, etc., he’s at my feet for all of it. If I leave a room without him, he starts pacing. If I leave the house, he stares out the window and cries until I return. In short, he is obsessed with me. My other dog, Georgie, a girl, decides when I am allowed to go near her and is in no way dependent on me.

So, what is it with boy dogs and their moms? According to TikTok, it’s a thing. There is an entire section on the app for “Boy Dog Moms” that documents this apparent phenomenon: boy dogs who absolutely cannot get enough of their moms. From the look of these videos, it seems like I am far from the only one who wakes up with my dog’s snoot in my face and who hears the pitter patter of his paws everywhere I go.

Erika Harwood, a Los Angeles dog mom to two boy Pugs, Weenie (eight) and Pastrami (one), tells me she has the exact same experience, then sends me a photo of Pastrami, dutifully waiting for her on the bath mat that morning while she got ready. She and her husband, Ben, share both dogs, but it’s very clear who the favorite is.

“I had to move both of their bodies off of me to write this email, for one,” she says. “One of my favorite things is if I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, Weenie will readjust to cuddle up with Ben while I’m gone, but the moment I get back into bed he immediately walks over to me and gets in one of his nooks (behind my knees or in front my stomach). Ben always calls him a traitor, but he’s a hater.”

So, is there really something to this?

As a queer person who routinely mocks every gender reveal I see on the internet, I am the last person to subscribe to gender-essentialist theories. But when it comes to dogs, can it be different? Do boy dogs really recognize a maternal nature in one parent over another? (While I identify as a woman, my spouse identifies as non-binary and prides themselves on their dad vibes.) Does Charlie pick up on that somehow, and for some reason, completely obsess over me?

I asked Sassafras Patterdale, a certified dog trainer and non-binary writer and educator, their thoughts. “Anytime we talk about dogs and gender, it is easy to quickly get into murky territory around gender stereotypes and assumptions. I don't think that male dogs are naturally drawn to more feminine energy or presentation as opposed to female dogs.”

They add that it may have more to do with how culture assigns gender roles than anything else. Even in 2025, many domestic labor tasks — including “care and feeding, grooming and general care of the dog,” tend to fall to women and those assigned female at birth. As a result, Patterdale adds, “all of this feeds into the positive associations and relationship the dog has with that person.”

They have a point; maybe it is more about the individual relationship and context. Bridget Goodwin, Brooklyn-based mom to a four-year-old Havanese named Norm, tells me she’s always had a special connection to her boy. She says when she brought him home from a tiny town in Mississippi as a puppy, “it felt like he filled a place in my heart I didn’t even know was missing.”

Late last year, Goodwin ended a long relationship and engagement. When they broke up, her ex-fiancé left Norm with her, saying he felt he’d be better off with his mom.

She reflects on how the breakup affected them both: “In those early days, I felt so many emotions at once: relief that I got to keep Norm, heartbreak for him as he waited by the door each night, not understanding why his dad wasn’t coming home, and this overwhelming maternal desire to protect him. It was in those moments that I made a promise to Norm and to myself that I would always be there, that I would never leave him. I would always come back.” She says that since then, her bond with Norm has only grown deeper.

Goodwin adds that Norm is always ready with constant kisses and affection for her. But maybe the most important thing? Norm trusts her. “He used to be nervous in cars, on planes, and on the subway. But now, whenever we’re traveling, he’s calm and even excited because he knows he’s safe as long as we’re together. That trust he places in me means everything.”

This makes sense to Patterdale, who says, “Dogs thrive when they feel safe and secure. Consistent routines and reliability are things that can help dogs form deep attachments and feel secure with people and trust them.”

Once a momma’s boy, always a momma’s boy.

Katie Guare and her wife, Whitney Stanley (based in Biddeford, Maine) are moms to a four-year-old Pit Bull mix named Peppercorn, whom they rescued as a puppy. Peppercorn knows he has his moms wrapped around all four of his tiny paws and sometimes seems to use their close relationship to his advantage.

Guare says that one time, Peppercorn was playing outside and fell. He ran inside and cried until Stanley, whom he has designated as “the cuddle mom” came to comfort him. “He was uninjured,” Guare reports, adding she and her wife tend to equally heap endless amounts of attention on the pup.

Peppercorn’s maternal devotion knows no bounds: “He gets whiney when we aren’t paying attention to him. He'll sit on the edge of the living room carpet and stare at us until we come and sit down with him. He acts like a scared toddler with other dogs, when they play too rough he runs over to us and hides under our legs or on our lap.”

And what about pups, like Peppercorn, who have two moms? Is it double the obsession?

In Norm’s case, that seems to be true. Once Goodwin started dating her girlfriend earlier this year, Norm easily accepted her into his life. “Norm is completely obsessed with my girlfriend,” she says. “The second he sees her, he lights up — jumping, crying, doing anything he can to get her attention. Sometimes, when we walk through the door together, she has to remind him, ‘Norm, Mom’s here, too!’ because he’s already smothering her in kisses while I wait for my turn.” But Goodwin isn’t jealous — at least not significantly: “I love watching their bond. It makes me so happy to see him loved so much by her, and to know he gives that love right back.”

In the end, it’s about trust more than gender identity.

As I write this, I am away from home, and my spouse reports that Charlie spends most days pacing the house and sniffing around for me. When I get home, I expect he’ll immediately curl up in my lap and fall asleep, the anxiety melting away after days of waiting for my return. But, Patterdale tells me, this kind of deep attachment could just as easily form if I were a man. Again, it’s more about my individual relationship with Charlie and who he is as as a dog.

When we adopted him, I started working from home a lot more, which meant we had lots of time to build a trusting, gentle connection. Then again, Georgie, with whom I’ve also spent plenty of quality time in her seven years of life, remains largely indifferent about me. Patterdale says I shouldn’t overanalyze the clinginess levels of my girl dog versus my boy dog.

“I don’t necessarily think there is a gendered component of it, and more that it’s about the individual dog's personality and temperament as well as their socialization history,” they say. “Some dogs are just naturally more aloof and independent, while others tend to be more clingy, regardless of gender.”

And maybe it’s more about the role each parent is assigned in the family dynamic, rather than their gender. For example, Harwood says her Pugs see her husband as the “disciplinarian” who is in charge of the “dirty work,“ like applying Pastrami’s wrinkle cream (an act that seems unpleasant for both dog and parent). “Pastrami knows this and will immediately run to me to hide from him,” Harwood says. “I’ve told Ben I refuse to put on the cream because we can’t both be seen as the bad guys, and I have a reputation in this household to maintain.”

Harwood’s husband just appears to have been put in an unfortunate position. But what about the dogs who actually seem to be afraid of men? Patterdale says that “body language, including height and looming over dogs, can also make them feel more uncomfortable, which can — though not always be — associated with cisgender men and may lead to some dogs feeling less comfortable with them. Again, all of this is going to look different depending on the people and dogs involved.”

This was never going to be a binary “dog moms rule, dog dads drool” story; come on, I am a queer dog mom! But that also doesn’t mean I don’t feel extra-special that my boy dog seems to think I hang the moon and the stars. I also very much enjoy Boy Dog Mom TikTok, keeping in mind that it’s all in good fun.

I think as long as we anointed dog moms keep the following advice from Patterdale in mind, we will maintain a healthy perspective: “Remember to celebrate what makes your dog unique and that includes their individual behavioral quirks and needs. Some dogs are super independent, while others would crawl into your skin if they could. I like to think about it in the same way that some people are extroverts and some are introverts, it’s just part of what makes us and our dogs unique.”