How Soon is Too Soon to Get Another Dog?

Dogs give us the most unique kind of love – a bond that’s completely different to that we experience with the humans in our lives. But they’re most certainly part of the family – coming home to their wiggling bum, curling up on the sofa together and daily walks that become integral to the minutiae of our daily lives. A home isn’t the same without the patter of your dog’s paws.

So saying goodbye is heartbreaking. Perhaps you struggle to even contemplate the thought of welcoming another dog into your life after the death of your bestest friend, your baby, your one true love. Maybe you’ve pondered how long you should wait before getting your next dog? Alas, will you ever be ready to love another dog again?

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Here’s the thing, the way you experience grief is as unique as you are, and there’s no definitive answer as to when’s the best time to bring another dog into the family. But there are things to consider. In this article, pet bereavement counsellor, Dawn Murray, who’s the founder of Living With Bereavement, and Annalisa de Carteret who’s the pet-loss support manager for animal charity Blue Cross offer their words of wisdom to help you think about where you are on your own grief timeline and how to figure out if you’re ready for a new canine companion… 

Understanding your grief 

The nature of pet-loss grief 

Dawn believes that thinking of grief in stages – “whereby one stage ends and another begins” – can be confusing. “Grief isn’t linear, it’s unpredictable, flowing and ebbing constantly,” she explains. “It’s as unique as DNA – no two people experience grief in the same way. Each reaction is influenced by personality, life experiences, your ability to cope with loss, your relationship with your dog and the circumstances surrounding the loss.”

Rushing has implications

Perhaps the pain of your dog’s death feels so intense that you vow you’ll never get another dog. Dawn reassures me that for most pet parents, this way of thinking changes. 

“Some consider getting another dog within days or weeks of their pet’s death,” says Dawn. “They may have even thought about another dog before their dog died.” But, Dawn says, rushing into a decision can have disastrous consequences for both pet parent and dog.  “A rushed decision is often accompanied by overwhelming guilt and potentially leads to rehoming for the dog.”

“Those who delay the decision to introduce a new pet, have usually taken their time to experience their grief, found acceptance and adjusted to a new way of life, ensuring they’re as emotionally prepared as they can be to begin a new relationship.

The grief timeline

But there’s no set time limit to grieve, assures Dawn, “a period of bereavement may last for days, weeks, months or even several years”.

Importantly, Dawn notes that two of the most common emotions are shock and guilt. “Guilt is complex and often viewed as the most powerful emotion associated with pet bereavement,” explains Dawn. “Guilt is the pet carer’s imagined or perceived thoughts that they’ve done something wrong or could have done something differently.” 

But feeling guilty and being guilty are two entirely different things – “feeling guilty is an emotion, not based on fact,” explains Dawn. “If not addressed by a pet bereavement counsellor, guilt can last for months or years, and adds yet another challenge in deciding when to get another companion.” 

Related article

I’m Grieving, Please Stop Asking Me When I’ll Get Another Pet

How to honour a pet’s death and support a grieving loved one 

Some signs you might be ready for another dog

There is no one-size-fits-all checklist to help you decide if you’re ready for another dog. Ultimately, only you will know if you’re ready to make that commitment. There are some signs that can help you figure out where your head’s at, however:

• Grief isn’t your dominant emotion. You have made peace with your dog’s death – sadness doesn’t dominate your daily life.

• You have spotted a dog on a rescue site that feels like a good fit. Annalisa says that, in this way, sometimes the right moment might happen accidentally and unexpectedly.  

• Rather than feeling overwhelming guilt, the thought of a new dog brings you joy and excitement.

• You can imagine a different dog in your home, rather than seeing the emptiness your previous dog left behind everywhere.

• Practically, you are in a good place – you can afford a new dog, you have the time to dedicate to welcoming them into your home and your energy is restored.

• You're motivated by potential new love, rather than being solely driven by loneliness.

• If you have pets, they’ve adjusted to the death of their companion. 

• Everyone in your house feels ready for a new dog – not just you. 

Signs you might not be ready 

• You’re still crying every day and you’re struggling with basic functioning – for example, you can’t concentrate on work and you’re struggling to plan and organise your day-to-day activities. Take a pause and give yourself time to process your feelings, rather than filling this void with a new dog.

• You compare every dog you come into contact with your previous dog.

• Other family members want a new dog, but you don’t feel the same excitement. You’re still overwhelmed with sadness and grief. You must all be on the same page.

• You can’t afford a new dog – your finances are tight and there’s no leeway to add any extras.

• Looking at photos of your dog brings sadness rather than fond memories of the good times you shared together. 

• You can’t bear to look at your dog's things – their toys, bed and blankets make you burst into tears.

Practical considerations

• Financial readiness – you have enough spare income to cover all the things you need: food, bed, vet bills, training etc.

• You’ve got enough spare time to dedicate to training a new dog and settling them into your home.

• Your lifestyle and work commitments will fit around a new canine arrival. 

• Your home environment is set up for a dog – if you rescue, remember that dog might never have been in a home environment before.

• The other pets in your life will be able to cope with a new dog, whether that’s a puppy or a rescue dog, both will need patience and time from every creature – animal and human – in the house. 

Making the decision work for you 

Trust your instincts – only you know what’s right for you

Yes, talk to other people and get their opinion, but Annalisa warns not to take that on as an instruction as to what you should do. “It’s important to talk about it and get other people’s opinion,” explains Annalisa. “But they are different people – only you know what you want.” You don’t have to follow all the advice you’re given if it feels wrong for you. Trust in yourself. 

It’s not about replacing your old dog, it’s about opening your heart again

“Remember, this is a different dog with a different character,” says Annalisa. “Perhaps you’ve got used to an older dog and how they behave, a puppy has different energy levels and needs.” Annalisa says you should also be kind to yourself. “Perhaps you might worry, ‘Oh, I don’t love this dog as much,’ and that’s OK, your bond will grow. The settling in can be really hard and that ‘What have I done?’ is natural.” It feels long-forgotten now, but that’s probably how you felt when your other dog first arrived in your life.

Different doesn’t mean disloyal

“Your relationship with a new dog will be different and that’s OK,” says Annalisa. Remember, it’s the same with all the humans in your life, too. Love morphs and changes and shifts and grows. That’s just this crazy ride we call life.

Consider fostering 

“Fostering a dog or raising a puppy for an assistance charity can be very rewarding and can be done for relatively short periods,” says Dawn. “This can allow the pet parent additional time to make the all-important decision to adopt their own dog and know for sure if they are ready to build a new relationship.”

Borrow a dog

Annalisa suggests looking after a friend’s dog or borrowing one from Borrow My Doggy. “That way, it’s less commitment,” says Annalisa – you can see how you feel for a shorter period of time – a day, maybe or even just a few hours. 

Building a new relationship doesn’t mean that a previous companion is forgotten, assures Dawn. “Introducing a new dog can bring lots of love, laughter and purpose back into your life,” she says. “Trust in your instincts as to when the time is right.” 

Remember, you can keep your dog’s memory alive by way of a memorial, says Dawn. “Honour your dog and know that, although they are no longer by your side, they will never be forgotten. Yes, your companion has died, but they lived – and always will live on – in your heart.”

There’s new adventures ahead, enjoy them. Be like your dog, and live in the moment.